Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
