I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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