Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
