I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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