He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
