The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
