At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't deserve a penis
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
