capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk