im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?