Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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