He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
