I murdered the dance floor call the cops
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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