Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
