yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
