I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
