Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
