Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
