What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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