Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
