you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
