Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize