Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
