you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
