I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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