Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
