so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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