the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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