I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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