**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
