im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize