the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
