i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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