you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
