I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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