just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
