I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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