So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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