if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
