I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
