and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
