FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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