I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
