Why does Corona taste like a burp?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
