3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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