Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
