She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
