Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
