guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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