Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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