You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
