I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
