I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
