i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
