Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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