Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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