I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize