Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I still have a little drunk in my system
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
