who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
