Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
