D3 body, D1 cock
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
