We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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