Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
