Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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