Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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