Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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