well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the condom got lost in my hair
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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