So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't deserve a penis
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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