party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
