my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
