I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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