butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
