He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
