So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
