Don't you send me to vm
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
