If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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