CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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