i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
